Drowning

Yesterday started off well. It was my actual day off, as opposed to the previous two. Thursday I left work early to take care of a child-related emergency, and Friday I had to take off to try to take care of after school child care. That is taken care of in a haphazard, stopgap sense, but I need a longer term solution. I'll be trying to contact the area boys' and girls' clubs Tuesday, but I think the one in our town has closed, and who else takes teenagers after school?

Anyway, so yesterday, we did finally get a temporary solution/babysitter in place, and that solved, we took a road trip to Foley, AL, to eat at Lambert's and do some holiday shopping. We found some really cute things and didn't spend much, so it was a good day - until D found a replica sword he wanted, with birthday money he doesn't have yet. Total meltdown. Day over.

Then, when I got home... I'm trying to rehab my defaulted student loans at an amount I can pay, so I can do something at least. Got a letter last night basically rejecting all the evidence I had sent them, which was everything I had. They want bills... I'm paying bills that aren't in my name, do I need to have my SO draw up agreements, etc., that say I'm responsible for x share of utilities, car insurance, etc.? They're all in his name, but I pay some of them, so I don't know what submitting the actual bills to the department of education will do, but meanwhile, they're saying I need to pay an amount that's about 1/3 of my take-home (including child support) and just not possible.

I'm trying to catch up and do better, but it seems like no matter what I do, more stuff piles on. I need help, and Chris is very supportive, but there just doesn't seem to be help that doesn't require sacrificing the whole of the life I've tried to create. I'm very anxious and afraid all the time.

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