It's Witchcraft... Or maybe it's not

I've had a lot of trouble defining myself on a spiritual and religious level in the last several years. I'm loosely attached to a Pagan group in the area, and depending on the day, I might describe myself as an atheist Pagan, a Pagan skeptic, a just-plain-Skeptic, or even a hard, big-a Atheist. Part of me wants to believe in something, in a magic and a spirit in the world. I'd like to believe that something in us goes on beyond this world and echoes into another. And on those days that I hold to anything in myself, it's the magic in the world that speaks to my soul. Certain spells and divinations echo in my heart, giving me strength as others draw strength from their own gods and holy books and words.

Most of the time, though, I can't give that any credence. Because something different speaks to everyone. Because it's all just feelings. Because no truly scientific evidence of anything has been found. Because there's a better explanation for all of life and death, and the scientist in me says there's nothing out there.

So, is it a war of feeling versus mind? Feelings are also an artifact of mind, after all. We're wired on some level to believe. But believing... What has it ever really done for us?

posted from Bloggeroid

Fifty Shades of Lame (warning: mild adult content ahead)

I got into yet another discussion last night on the Fifty Shades books. It started with a coworker being slightly judgmental about people giving books to their kids (at 17-18, which is a parenting judgment call, not ours as booksellers) and then about women in general reading the books. He didn't see how women could want equality in the modern world and them embrace submission on any level. After a short discussion, he did allow that he guessed the point was, in part, that the women had the choice to submit, which made it better.

Which brings us to Fifty Shades. Spoiler Alert: stop reading this blog if you plan to read the books and care deeply about the plot. Or, skip the read if you care more about women and having functioning brain cells. It's pretty awful on a literary level, at any rate.

OK, still with me? Good, then. Now, the problem with Fifty Shades - other than it reading like a bored 50something English housewife's fantasy fanfic of the life of a 20something Seattle college student - is that it's not just bad writing but bad BDSM. This is not the story of a woman who's outwardly strong yet craves submission to escape, or a girl who wants to be owned, or (heaven forbid!) a man who serves willingly at a master's or mistress's feet. This is the story of a young woman who wants no part of submission or the lifestyle, yet chooses to live it and be subjugated to a man's will in most aspects of her lifestyle down to her living situation and the car she drives just to please him and adapt to his admitted controlling nature. The relationship of Anastasia and Christian is closer to abusive than D/s on many levels.

And this novel is what is introducing newcomers to the lifestyle in droves and inspiring a whole generation of BDSM-themed novels. It has achieved cult status and spawned lines of board games, lingerie, and sex toys. There's a movie in the works, though issues with the cast have created delays. All this is just to say that if you're going to play around with something you read in a novel, please do your research. There are a lot of great (nonfiction) books and websites out there on the subject of safety, so play safely, OK?

And if you haven't read it, skip Fifty Shades and read something else on the subject. Even if the classics suffer from the same problems with respect to feminism, they aren't sins against literature.

posted from Bloggeroid

An open letter to my son

Dear D,

I know that your road is a difficult one at times and that I don't always make it easier. You have been presented with unique gifts and challenges both, and you give back both in spades. As you near the birthday that takes you into your official teen years, though, there a are some things I would like to say.

Firstly, congratulations! You have made it through nearly thirteen years relatively unscathed.

Secondly, and most importantly, you should know that the things I do and say now may make you unhappy. My goal, however, is to raise you to be a good man, not to be a happy child. The modern world is full of grown-up happy children who are, deep down, frustrated and miserable adults. So I am sorry when I make you unhappy, but I'm trying to do right.

Thirdly, you must learn to let the past go. Remember, yes, and learn from things that happened, but do not obsess about bygones and let them consume your every thought. I know it's difficult when the thoughts chase themselves around your Aspergic, obsessive mind sometimes.  Believe me, I do know. You nevertheless need to find a way in those moments to breathe and focus on something else, be it a song, a poem, a meditation, a coloring page, or a math problem.

Fourthly, and perhaps most difficult in the few years ahead as hormones race and other young teens tend to meanness, you need to love yourself. Find out what you find worthy in yourself. Embrace it and develop it. Find your inner strength and be proud of what you did do today instead of putting yourself down for the minor setbacks.

Finally, you must realize that you really are not a small child any longer. You need to understand that it is not appropriate to ask people for things unsolicited. That tantrums and eyerolls don't get you anywhere but your room. That violence against yourself or others will be treated as genuine threat, not something that can easily be contained by much larger adults. That you bear responsibility for your schoolwork.

D, you are bright and stormy both, but that can be just the weather for a rainbow, the promise of a new day and a new world. I want to believe in good things for you, but we've a lot of work to do to get there.

I love you very much,

Mom