An open letter to my son

Dear D,

I know that your road is a difficult one at times and that I don't always make it easier. You have been presented with unique gifts and challenges both, and you give back both in spades. As you near the birthday that takes you into your official teen years, though, there a are some things I would like to say.

Firstly, congratulations! You have made it through nearly thirteen years relatively unscathed.

Secondly, and most importantly, you should know that the things I do and say now may make you unhappy. My goal, however, is to raise you to be a good man, not to be a happy child. The modern world is full of grown-up happy children who are, deep down, frustrated and miserable adults. So I am sorry when I make you unhappy, but I'm trying to do right.

Thirdly, you must learn to let the past go. Remember, yes, and learn from things that happened, but do not obsess about bygones and let them consume your every thought. I know it's difficult when the thoughts chase themselves around your Aspergic, obsessive mind sometimes.  Believe me, I do know. You nevertheless need to find a way in those moments to breathe and focus on something else, be it a song, a poem, a meditation, a coloring page, or a math problem.

Fourthly, and perhaps most difficult in the few years ahead as hormones race and other young teens tend to meanness, you need to love yourself. Find out what you find worthy in yourself. Embrace it and develop it. Find your inner strength and be proud of what you did do today instead of putting yourself down for the minor setbacks.

Finally, you must realize that you really are not a small child any longer. You need to understand that it is not appropriate to ask people for things unsolicited. That tantrums and eyerolls don't get you anywhere but your room. That violence against yourself or others will be treated as genuine threat, not something that can easily be contained by much larger adults. That you bear responsibility for your schoolwork.

D, you are bright and stormy both, but that can be just the weather for a rainbow, the promise of a new day and a new world. I want to believe in good things for you, but we've a lot of work to do to get there.

I love you very much,

Mom